Saturday, September 21, 2013

But for now I'll marvel at your saving grace

This has been an exhausting week that I'm very glad is over. I wish I was more of a people person. I wish I could get along with everybody. I try, and I am extremely patient and cautious of how I talk to people, but mostly how I treat people. People don't remember what you say- they remember how you say it. They remember how you make them feel. I get my feelings hurt very easily. It's one of my personality traits that sometimes blindsides me. I'm one of those that not only wears my heart on my sleeve, but sometimes I wear my heart on my nose where it's easily punched. Sometimes I'm ashamed that I'm so sensitive. I mean- I'm bad, for even a girl, and then put me on fertility treatments with extra hormone supplements and I'm just plain out of control some days. But I am also very cautious of how I treat people. And unfortunately, that means that I often become people pleasers and want everyone to like me, and then have a hard time dealing with it when people don't like me. I know there's others out there that have to be dealing with some of this!!

But when I think about how horrible this week has been, and then all of a sudden Friday came. Friday came with big grey beautiful skies and constant dreariness... it's my favorite! God always has a way of bringing me my favorite kind of days when I feel like I cannot go on. He brought me a perfect, beautifully rainy day, and followed it by revealing an opening in the Ada head start so now I have the chance to apply for a transfer, which will spare some gas money and also spare some tearful days as well. God is so good.

And then I sit here and I look around at the beautiful day, at my current life. And sometimes all I can do is marvel at how MIGHTY God is. How beautiful he reveals himself. How wonderful he has knit me together. I have been very weepy lately, and then I realize God was preparing me for what is about to come. That God breaks my heart so he can reign. And I marvel at that.

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