Saturday, April 5, 2014

So here I stand on what you build

So many that know me know that I've been struggling with work. The location is farther than I would like to be from my newborn baby, and there have been some situations arise where I have been accused, and the atmosphere has been an issue. I've been denied a transfer twice, but this last time was due to being the only qualified teacher at the Head Start. I've been hoping after a teacher gets set in, that I might actually get the next transfer. But I was so overwhelmed with all of it that I started looking for another job. I actually got offered interviews for 2 different positions, and while the location would have been ideal, the pay cut wasn't feasible with a baby on the way and the lesser insurance.

I prayed and prayed about these jobs, and the response I was given was to stay where I was. To stick it out. I knew that's what God was wanting me to do, and so I began to pray for a change of heart. I needed a friend there, I needed somebody a little more like me. I needed a huge change of heart and peace of mind.

As I was driving one morning to work and taking my time to get there, a song came on the radio.

"Here I stand, Here I stand on what you build, you are surrounding me".

And I got to thinking, I am standing here. God has build this position for me for this time, and I am standing on this position, and I am not along because he is surrounding me. Through the accusations, through the distrust, through the atmosphere. I am not doing this job for people. I am doing this job because teaching is my calling, I love my calling, and it's God that I have to please- not supervisors, no coworkers, not parents. He is surrounding me.

"You build me up like a city of gold, the battles rage but I'm standing tall- if only I could see from your perspective, the beauty and the grace of your architecture".

And then my heart is full. God is the one I need to look to to build me up. And I can stand firm through the battles, because he is surrounding me. But my greatest prayer of all is to see the beauty and grace- to see through his perspective the situations I have been dealing with. Somehow, they are beautiful and I just don't have the eyes to see it yet.

And something changed. The atmosphere changed. The accusations went away. The positions are filled. I have a friend. No, the location isn't ideal, but my heart is changing to see his perspective where I am and to see what he is building. I don't see the whole picture, but I see just a little more peace.

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