Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Do what you must do

"Lord make me a servant, make me like you- for you are a servant, make me one too. Make me a servant, do what you must do to make me a servant, Lord make me like you."

I have had this stuck in my head singing over and over again. And then I wrote down the words. I looked at the words. And I bowed my head- Lord, I get it.

Do what you must do to make me a servant.

This past year and half dealing with the difficulties of my job, trying to understand why God has placed me in this company. Trying to understand God's reasoning behind what I've struggled with- testing my patience, testing my forgiveness, testing my endurance, testing my convictions. I have prayed about these, questioned the motives, fought against it all trying to remain positive and at peace...

And tonight I get it. Tonight I am humbled by the realization that God was completing the song in my heart. God was doing what he must do to make me a servant. He is doing what he must do to teach me to be a servant and to serve like him.

I get it.

And I am far from perfect. I want so much to fit in that sometimes I slip. Sometimes I listen when I should walk away- sometimes I talk when I should remain silent, and sometimes I remain silent when I should speak up. Sometimes my anger gets the best of me and I sin in my heart by the thoughts that I allow myself to think. Sometimes I am impatient and forget that I have the ability to forgive when things aren't being fair towards me. Sometimes I want to protest and object that I am being treated differently. But tonight I remember- I have to be treated differently. Because God is teaching me servanthood- being a servant to those I feel may not deserve it. 

I get it.

Tonight I am in awe of what God has been teaching me all along. Not just to forgive, or be more patient, or guard my tongue and mind and heart. No, God was teaching me to be a servant, because I asked him to do what he must do. God is faithful. He is doing what he must do to make me like him- and I am so far from it.

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