Thursday, January 16, 2014

Confronting the enemy lies: fear

I am no stranger to the feelings of fear.

I have not kept quiet about the pain I  endured during our miscarriage in hopes that it might give a spark of light to somebody else much in need. Pain was unavoidable, but the lessons learned were very valuable. I had to learn to give my guilt to God- the guilt of my health issue that causes the difficulty in getting pregnant, the guilt of not being a mother and making my family grandparents, aunts and cousins. And especially the guilt of not being able to give my husband a child when we wanted one so badly. That demon was strong, and that demon tore me apart. I had to learn the lesson of which kind of guilt came from God and which was false. I had to give in to my desire to be a mother when I knew that God promised I would be- I had to trust that promise.

It took a bit for me to let go and remember the promise. And as promised, I got pregnant again with a healthy baby. And I'm covered in fear. Not the fear of being a bad parent and not the fear of the pain in birthing, but the fear I've already known- losing my precious child. Getting excited to be pregnant because it's healthy in fear of losing what's already so valuable to me. I'm no stranger to fear, but I've never been so wrapped in fear either.

But I'm learning that God is in the God of fear. God loves me, he's made me a promise, and he is not a liar. HE IS NOT A LIAR. He does not want to hurt and harm me, he wants to prosper me, to grow me. I know this baby is healthy. I know the heartbeat is good. I know I am a mother, and God has every intent of my happiness. My fear is unwarranted, and unwanted. So bit by bit I'm trying to trust more, and to be more happy in my healthy pregnancy. How dare the enemy steal the happiness of my unborn child.  I cannot let this fear continue to take root, and I know it must stop.

So tonight I confront the enemy lies of fear. I will not let fearful thoughts take captive my day. I will not let fear keep me from loving my unborn child. I will not let fear destroy God's promise to me. I will not, and I cannot. So please agree with me, pray with me, and help us stay strong.

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