I had no issues working further from home and making a career. Until I got pregnant and expected a child. I drive about 40-45 minutes to work and back each day. It's not a terrible amount of time and it's not horrible to drive it, but how can I justify leaving my own child an hour away? Not only being away 8 hours of a working day, but 2 additional hours due to driving? I'm so torn. I can't quit my job because my income is very much needed, and I am carrying the insurance which we really have to have, especially now. But my heart breaks thinking of leaving my child for 10 hours out of the day- 11 hours in the summer due to the required lunch break we have to take. That breaks my heart.
The atmosphere is a different story. The refusal to allow me to transfer is a different story. But both of those stories effect how much more strongly I feel about having to work where I am working.
Apparently it is very difficult to find a job you love in the same town you live that pays as well with insurance. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but I know that's absolutely not possible for our situation.
I'm just torn. I don't know what to feel, I don't know how to handle the drama I work around, or how to handle how angry I am at their refusal to transfer me on the basis of "we want you to work where you are at". I am angry and confused. And frustrated.
God, I pray for your guiding hand in this phase of our lives. Lord, I ask that you will lead me to where I need to be, and help make my circumstances more bearable.
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